Thank You for Coming to Hattiesburg: One Comedian's Tour of Not-Quite-The-Biggest Cities in the World by Todd Barry

Author:Todd Barry [Barry, Todd]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Autobiography, Biography, Comedy, Entertainment & Performing Arts, Essays, Form, Humour, Non-Fiction, Performing Arts
ISBN: 9781501117428
Google: ujWMDAAAQBAJ
Amazon: 1501117424
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2017-03-14T00:00:00+00:00

JULY 17, 2015—ASBURY PARK, NEW JERSEY

THE SAINT

In New York City, most of the clubs are showcase clubs, and you basically get paid pocket money (Twenty-five to thirty dollars for a fifteen-minute set during the week). New Jersey has a lot of comedy clubs and one-night bar shows you can headline and make actual money without traveling too far.

In all my New Jersey trips I’d never been to Asbury Park. I’d heard about a club called the Saint, which mainly booked bands, but also the occasional comedian. At first it was a club I associated with Bruce Springsteen, but then realized I was confusing it with the Stone Pony.

I arrived with my opening act, Joe Zimmerman, a comic I’d met in 2007 when he lived in North Carolina. He’d booked me years ago to do a comedy night at a wine bar in Charlotte. For some reason he asked me to do two shows on a Wednesday night. I’ve already mentioned I don’t like doing two shows in one night, but I really don’t like it when the audiences for both shows aren’t even enough to fill one show, and it’s extra weird on a Wednesday. There are still a few comedy clubs out there that have three-show Saturday nights. I’ve done a few of those, and often the third show has thirty people at it. I guess Joe’s thinking for the Charlotte gig was It’s just a wine bar in Charlotte, we could easily fill two shows. Well, they didn’t. Or to be fair, I didn’t. But it was worth it because now I can say I performed at a wine bar that also sold Jell-O shots.

We drove to New Jersey in Joe’s 2003 Ford Focus that had 360,000 miles on it. We had both recently gone through breakups, so there was a lot of super-sensitive guy talk in the car. We pulled over at least six times to cry. That’s not true, but it was good to bond over this topic. Joe told me about a dating app he was using called Bumble, where the woman has to initiate contact with the man. I explained to him that I was way too famous to be on a dating app and would be a victim of some bait-and-switch prank. But I love hearing dating stories. I advised him on one woman in particular who had insulted him during their chats. He seemed to be reluctant to continue contacting her, but I thought he should at least meet her. Maybe her insults were like the ones I hurl from the stage, flirtatious and harmless, and maybe if he met her, they’d hit it off. I e-mailed him when I was writing this and he sent me screenshots of the actual texts. This was one exchange:

BUMBLE WOMAN: I bet you perform with napkins in your armpits.

JOE: I’ve never broken a sweat in my life.

BUMBLE WOMAN: You’re a comedian. Your sweats, like your ego, come already broken.

Sort of funny, but not if that’s the dynamic they got locked into.

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